Many years ago, when I was a little girl, my mother made me take piano lessons. I, too, liked the idea of being able to play an instrument, but hated the struggle; I dropped out of lessons by the time I was in middle school, much to my mother's dismay. I, too, decided as a young adult that learning an art and learning science were mutually exclusive, since that gave me a good excuse about abandoning art. I, too, grew into an adult who regretted not learning to play an instrument when I was young.
But my fondest memories of time with my mother remain when she would play piano and I would sing with her.
When I turned 50, I learned how to play an instrument. This past summer, I played my dulcimer while my mother played the piano. At Christmas, I'll play her songs I've struggled to learn but that were her favorites when I was a child--and favorites of her mother's, that they sang together long before I was born.
It is never too late. No effort is ever wasted. It may be decades before your children appreciate the gift you have given them--it was for me--but they will.
Dear Doctrix, I am so glad to hear you took it up later on. I am also there, struggling with etudes now, but we did a little concerto for Cs uncle’s birthday and he cried of joy at our clumsy efforts and it was so worth it. This Christmas will be even better because of YOUR music.
As a repeat midlife crisis-er who decided to finally learn piano at 50 (didn't go very well) as well as the long-suffering mom who ruthlessly makes child stick to piano AND violin lessons, I have so much to say about this Ana. But not right now, too tired. I'll be back!
I eagerly await your thoughts as a professional violinist. Am I ruining my children’s ability to love music? If so? Will they still perform at my funeral (this is my secret goal).
You are definitely not ruining their ability to love music. My mom was a highly trained violin teacher, but she had to take me to someone else for lessons. Same for me w/my son. If I even try to suggest something (based on my extensive knowledge!) during practice he is irate and reminds me that I "Know nothing about music!!" Okay. As a kid I too loathed practicing and begged to quit and my mom said "you have to stick it out for now, but when you are eleven you can see how you feel." When I was eleven I said "that's it, I'm quitting, I hate this and you can't make me do it." And she said O.K. but as it happened I was good at it by then and loved playing music (as opposed to practicing) and decided to keep going. I think it makes all the difference when the kid gets proficient enough to make actual music. If possible playing with others helps so much too. It felt much different being my decision and from then on I was motivated and enjoyed the discipline, working toward goals was satisfying, etc. I force my kid against his will to continue lessons with only this memory to bolster me, because goddam if I don't wish I could let him quit too. It's so brutal! His violin teacher said it was the same for him as a kid and when I'm on the verge of giving up he asks me how many great musicians there are whose parents let them quit because they were frustrated or bored or whatever. Ok hope that helps. This is a pep talk for both of us!
One thing that has been working wonders is playing a game of some kind after each task. A few minutes of a board game or whatever they’re into. Then another practice challenge, and so on. I don’t have the patience for this but my husband does and it works.
Dear Ana,
Many years ago, when I was a little girl, my mother made me take piano lessons. I, too, liked the idea of being able to play an instrument, but hated the struggle; I dropped out of lessons by the time I was in middle school, much to my mother's dismay. I, too, decided as a young adult that learning an art and learning science were mutually exclusive, since that gave me a good excuse about abandoning art. I, too, grew into an adult who regretted not learning to play an instrument when I was young.
But my fondest memories of time with my mother remain when she would play piano and I would sing with her.
When I turned 50, I learned how to play an instrument. This past summer, I played my dulcimer while my mother played the piano. At Christmas, I'll play her songs I've struggled to learn but that were her favorites when I was a child--and favorites of her mother's, that they sang together long before I was born.
It is never too late. No effort is ever wasted. It may be decades before your children appreciate the gift you have given them--it was for me--but they will.
Dear Doctrix, I am so glad to hear you took it up later on. I am also there, struggling with etudes now, but we did a little concerto for Cs uncle’s birthday and he cried of joy at our clumsy efforts and it was so worth it. This Christmas will be even better because of YOUR music.
As a repeat midlife crisis-er who decided to finally learn piano at 50 (didn't go very well) as well as the long-suffering mom who ruthlessly makes child stick to piano AND violin lessons, I have so much to say about this Ana. But not right now, too tired. I'll be back!
I eagerly await your thoughts as a professional violinist. Am I ruining my children’s ability to love music? If so? Will they still perform at my funeral (this is my secret goal).
You are definitely not ruining their ability to love music. My mom was a highly trained violin teacher, but she had to take me to someone else for lessons. Same for me w/my son. If I even try to suggest something (based on my extensive knowledge!) during practice he is irate and reminds me that I "Know nothing about music!!" Okay. As a kid I too loathed practicing and begged to quit and my mom said "you have to stick it out for now, but when you are eleven you can see how you feel." When I was eleven I said "that's it, I'm quitting, I hate this and you can't make me do it." And she said O.K. but as it happened I was good at it by then and loved playing music (as opposed to practicing) and decided to keep going. I think it makes all the difference when the kid gets proficient enough to make actual music. If possible playing with others helps so much too. It felt much different being my decision and from then on I was motivated and enjoyed the discipline, working toward goals was satisfying, etc. I force my kid against his will to continue lessons with only this memory to bolster me, because goddam if I don't wish I could let him quit too. It's so brutal! His violin teacher said it was the same for him as a kid and when I'm on the verge of giving up he asks me how many great musicians there are whose parents let them quit because they were frustrated or bored or whatever. Ok hope that helps. This is a pep talk for both of us!
Wonderful! Now I’m sticking to it even more fiercely. 💪🏼✊🏼
One thing that has been working wonders is playing a game of some kind after each task. A few minutes of a board game or whatever they’re into. Then another practice challenge, and so on. I don’t have the patience for this but my husband does and it works.
Thanks.